A lot of people are justifiably terrified of what the world will come to, but it isn’t ending. Sure, the incoming government spells doom for economic, social, and environmental situations both on domestic and international fronts, and those crises may come together to form chaos, but the world is not ending.
People believed the world would end in 1999, and they were wrong. The Mayans predicted the world would end in 2012, and they were wrong. Jehovah’s Witnesses think the world will end any minute now, and it turns out saying that for 150 years has had less and less effect each time.
If the world was ending, humanity would know. There would be signs everywhere, such as a blistering hot sun with dying plants. On second thought, that already is happening.
Well, if the end of times was here, there would be something killing off humans by the masses. Actually, that happened too.
But, if the destruction of the planet as we know it is imminent, frogs would be falling from the sky. All that’s happened is that they’re gay now. However, it’s possible that it’s the popular gay frog song “It’s Raining Frogs” that will trigger the conclusion of Earth, in which case we’re screwed.
It’s been theorized that the fragmentation of humanity will begin with a nuclear war, which has become more and more possible since the weapons were first invented, but whoever said warheads were a bad thing? Hydrogen is good for the environment, so why must a hydrogen bomb be such a problem?
A war would be followed by a nuclear winter. Obviously, it would kill off a lot of plants and animals, but at the same time, it gives the Earth a chance to repair its atmosphere, and that’s more important than a bunch of stupid living things.
So on the contrary, the perceived “end of the world” in this case would not truly be the end. It would just cause a mass extinction and irreparable damage to the planet.
Besides the upsides of nuclear war, there are more reassuring qualities lurking in the dangerous and uncertain future of mankind. For example, a good lemonade will always be there. Unless tariffs cause the price of lemons to go way up and by extension the drink it’s used to make. But everyone knew that tariffs did that, otherwise they wouldn’t have voted for it, right?
Sports will still be around. Finally, women’s sports will be rid of the dreaded penis, so everyone can go back to not watching them.
And if someone gets hurt playing sports, they can take comfort in knowing that a lack of healthcare will cause their bill to go up. But everyone knew that taking away affordable care did that, otherwise they wouldn’t have voted for it, right?
Children will still be born. Not that it was a problem in the first place. But instead of controlling the population with contraceptives, we can rely on women dying in childbirth to give the country a steady growth.
Video games won’t be going away. Unless they’re violent, but who likes violent video games anyway?
In summary, everything bad is actually good, and so the world will stay alive for another few years. Sure, there are glaring problems in placing a large amount of dangerous global situations in the world in the hands of incompetent people bent on restoring a country that never existed in the first place, but it is not the end of the world. Yet.
Lastly, just because there were people spotted ascending to heaven yesterday does not mean the world is ending.
