Single people are killing the vibe


Lei Garcia

Loving couple glares at lonely single.

While Valentine’s day is a time for couples to celebrate their love, a dark cloud of loneliness fills the air. “How do I find a girl” and “No guy would ever like me” becomes almost as common as “I love you”.

Every year on Valentine’s day, couples are ambushed by single people. The complaints are plentiful and nearly unbearable.

As it gets closer to Valentine’s day, single people, more commonly known as, Gremlins, come out of their hiding place to complain. Instead of focusing on taking care of themselves, they choose to bother others.

A common complaint that they make is that they are “Forever alone.” This is nearly impossible because unless you live in the middle of the ocean, or are a reddit user, then you likely encounter people every so often.

According to basic biology, gremlins are considered parasites. Because of gremlin needs, they can cling onto couples during dates to make up for their loneliness. This clinging is known as third wheeling. 

While gremlins complain about how annoying third wheeling is, they thrive from these interactions. They seem to suck the love out of the couples’ hearts and live off of it.

Their interruptions of other people’s personal affairs helps them feel noticed and happy.

The damage this causes is catastrophic due to the strain put on relationships. Couples begin arguing about whether they should talk to the gremlin or not. If the couple does not leave the gremlin, then this could lead to a breakup.

Another type and less commonly known single person is the chihuahua. They are called chihuahuas because they may seem small but act very tough and are downright terrifying.

A way to tell a gremlin and a chihuahua apart is by what they say. A gremlin will be mopey about being single while a chihuahua might say something such as “I am a strong independent woman who don’t need no man”.

While they say they are independent, they still depend on the relationships of other people to survive. They get their energy, not from being around couples, but by breaking them up. They will try to get friends who are in relationships to break up by pointing out the flaws of their partners.

This makes them much more dangerous than gremlins and need to be avoided at all costs.

The final variant of single people is the part-timer. The best way to tell a part-timer apart from the rest of the bunch is their inconsistent relationships.

Part-timers’ attitudes can be different from person to person. One might be with a lot of people due to their confidence while others may just be insecure. Part-timers tend to attract each other due to common interests.

While they may be incredibly annoying, they are the least dangerous of the bunch. They only tend to affect each other and stay away wreaking havoc.

Compared to the others, they tend to get the worst rep due to heartbreak. While this is serious, this only seems to happen to other single people interacting with them.

While all of these breeds and variants of single people tend to seem harmless, all of them have danger. It is recommended that couples stay away from them in order to keep their relationships safe.